How to Build Emotional Regulation Skills in Autistic Children

A Guide for Parents: Techniques to Support your Autistic Child at Home

Emotions are difficult. This is especially true for many children (and adults) on the spectrum. 

Whether it's crying during transitions, sudden meltdowns, or moments of overwhelm that seem to come from nowhere, emotional regulation is a skill that many Autistic children need help developing. 

The good news?

It is a skill and like any other, it can be learned and nurtured with patience, consistency, and compassion.

At All Behaviour Consultancy, we believe in empowering parents with practical, easy-to-use tools that can make a real difference in everyday life. 

Below are evidence-based techniques and gentle approaches to help your Autistic child learn to manage and express their emotions in healthier ways.

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🌈 Why Emotional Regulation Matters

Emotional regulation is the ability to manage feelings like frustration, excitement, fear, disappointment, and joy.

For Autistic children, this skill can be harder to master due to sensory sensitivities, communication challenges, or difficulty understanding social cues.

But with your support and a few simple strategies, your child can learn to:

• Recognise what they’re feeling

• Express emotions safely

• Use calming strategies during difficult moments

• Rebuild after a meltdown with calmness and trust
  

Techniques to Support Emotional Regulation at Home 💡 

1. Name the Feeling, Validate the Experience

Before a child can manage an emotion, they need to understand what it is. Help your child build emotional vocabulary using visuals, books, and modeling (showing them what to do).

Try this:

• Use a feelings chart with faces and simple words like happy, sad, angry, calm.

• Narrate emotions in real-time: “You’re frowning and your hands are tight. I think you’re feeling frustrated.”
  

• Validate their experience without judgment: “It’s okay to feel mad. Everyone gets mad sometimes.”
  

💬 Bonus tip: Use mirrors and mimic expressions together - it helps kids connect faces with feelings.

2. Create a Calm-Down Plan

Every child benefits from a personalised “calm-down toolkit” they can use when emotions feel too big.

What to include:

• Fidget toys, stress balls, chewies

• Headphones or a quiet space with soft lighting

• A weighted blanket or lap pad

• A favourite sensory item (a soft toy, squishy, etc.)

• Visual cue cards that show calming strategies like “take deep breaths,” “hug teddy,” or “go to quiet corner”

🧺 Set up a calm-down corner that your child can go to when they’re upset—not as a punishment, but as a safe reset space.

Check out our sensory room tips here for under-stimulation and overstimulation. .

3. Use Social Stories to Prepare for Emotions

Social stories are short, personalised narratives that help children understand situations and appropriate responses.

How to use them:

• Write or download simple stories like “When I Feel Angry,” “What to Do When I’m Upset,” or “How to Ask for Help.”

• Include pictures of your child or familiar objects.

• Read them regularly, especially before tricky situations like outings or transitions.

📖 Pro tip: You can make your own using apps like “Social Story Creator” or even PowerPoint.

4. Practice Regulation Skills When Calm

Kids can’t learn new strategies in the middle of a meltdown. Instead, teach and practice when they’re calm and regulated.

Fun ways to teach regulation skills:

• Blow bubbles to practice deep breathing

• Pretend to be a balloon inflating and deflating

• Try animal yoga poses together

• Role-play emotions with puppets or toys
  

🌟 The more you practice these skills during neutral moments, the more likely your child will remember them in stressful ones.

5. Offer Choices and Predictability

Feeling out of control can lead to emotional overload. Offering simple choices gives your child a sense of autonomy and can reduce emotional build-up.

Try this:

• “Do you want the blue cup or the green one?”

• “Do you want to brush teeth before or after story time?”

• Use visual schedules so your child knows what’s coming next
  

⏰ Predictability builds trust—and trust supports regulation.

6. Teach Safe Ways to Express Big Feelings

Sometimes, emotions need to move. Instead of focusing on stopping a meltdown, teach safer alternatives that still allow expression.

Helpful options:

• Stomping on a “feelings mat”

• Ripping paper in a designated area

• Drawing the emotion (“Show me what mad looks like with crayons!”)

• Punching a pillow instead of hitting

🎨 Expression is healthy. It’s okay to be angry - it’s how we handle it that matters.

7. Model Regulation Yourself

You are your child’s most important role model. When they see you manage your emotions in healthy ways, they learn by example.

Be real, but regulated:

• “I’m feeling frustrated, so I’m going to take a deep breath.”

• “That made me sad. I’m going to sit quietly for a few minutes.”

• Show forgiveness after outbursts, both for yourself and your child.

💞 Modeling repair is just as important as modeling calm.

✨ You Don’t Have to Do It Alone

Supporting your child’s emotional regulation is a long-term journey but you’re not walking it alone.

At All Behaviour Consultancy, we work with families to create tailored emotional regulation plans that suit your child’s unique strengths and needs.

Whether you need help setting up a calm corner, teaching de-esclating strategies, or managing meltdowns, our compassionate ABA team of Behaviour Specialists is here to guide you.

Let’s build emotional resilience together.